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today was really wierd i wanted to hit joe so much but at the same time i would never do it because i realised i do still love him even though he hurt me so bad and after everything he did to me i still wouldnt let anything happen to him i wanted to hit him so bad i was shaking but at the same time i really didnt because he was my first real love and i realise now that all the things i said about smashing his face in and ripping his head off was all lies because i would never actually do it i love him too much to do that and i dont know why because after everything we went through i should hate him but i dont and i even gave him my phone number today why did i do that its just not right i shouldnt be i just cant bring myself to hurt him in any way and if it came to it i would still jump infront of a bullet if it would save him. Also today my sister went missing but it turned out she had been into ripon and as we had been going to look for her we had passed her she was on the bus on the way home as we were going to ripon to find her. I also realised today what good friends i have and what a wanker sam vine really is i cant believe i actually used to fancy him oh my god what was i thinking. I think i have upset dan but i dont know why he logged into msn and i said hi but he didnt reply so i asked what he had been up to and he still didnt reply so i sent a question mark and he still didnt reply so i asked if he was there and he still didnt reply so i sent a question mark and a smiley face and it said he had logged off so i sent an offline message and asked if i had upset him i will have to wait and see the reply i get tomorrow i hope i havent upset him and if i have i need to know what i have done because i dont believe i have done anything to upset him but we will see. me mum and dave went to the cinema today we saw angels and demons it was a strange film and if i had watched the davinchi code im sure i would have understood it but it was still a good film. Overall i had a good day until we got home and realised my sister was missing and then when i saw joe things got even worse because i got really emotional afterwards when i realised i do still love him but there is a saying that i have great faith in "you can't choose who you fall in love with" and it is true i dont choose to love joe i just do its one of lifes little mysteries isnt it goodbye for now talk to you tomorrow.